Halloween Costume Rant

I've got precious little time to get a sugar skull girl, a disco zombie and spiderman out the door today, so let's get down to brass tacks:

1. ANYTHING GOES. This is Halloween, a day to be irreverent and bring the dark side out to play for 1 out of 365 days in the year. Every costume is a mirror into our fantasies - light or dark, what scares us and the darkness in mankind. It is the one day to push boundaries and be a reflection of any repressed idea, whether it's Rainbow Bright or Hitler. Gender is not relevant. Societal taboos are not relevant. Get over it. Don't tell us what PC crap we can or cannot be. This is a day to fly the freak flag in the face of danger. Clever, scary, provocative, outrageous is the name of the game. If you don't like it, stay home and hand out candy.

2. NO SLUT SHAMING. Along the same lines, I am tired of the "slutty costumes" rag. Girls, wear whatever the hell you want. You see feminism isn't about saying "ugh! it's disgusting how sexualized women's costumes are. Let's all be nerds in lab coats instead!" Feminism is about NOT making womens bodies or sexuality a battlefield. This is the SAME attitude that makes women always have to second guess their clothing choices, lest we be branded a "slut." Nope. Up yours. I'm too damn old to be letting anyone put a bag over me. Last I checked, this is 'Murica, not some ISIS state. Whether you want to be a sexy circus clown or Mother Theresa, do it proudly.

3. LET YOUR KIDS BE WHAT THEY WANT. Another trend I'm sick of hearing about is not letting your daughter be a princess and instead guiding her to be Susan B. Anthony or Sally Ride. While, I think both of those costumes would be clever and great - stop the princess shaming! No sluts! No princesses! Only costumes you don't fully understand that your overly-concerned mom forces you into. How about no candy, either? Only organic, non GMO, gluten free, sugar-free quinoa bites with chicory chips. MMMMMM. Isn't Halloween FUN, kids? Isn't it great when adults force their insecurities onto you?

Do you know what we do at our house? We say "What do you want to be for Halloween?" We don't tell our kids what they should be. And we hand out the full-sized bars. Happy Halloween.