23 June 2012

Cures They Don't Want You To Know About

Do you or a loved one suffer from jam bands? Do you feel that mother nature always has your back? Do you think smoking pot can cure disease? Do you or have you ever worn a Rastafarian knit cap on any day other than Halloween? Do you enjoy dropping acid and then having half-baked discussions on the existence of the divine? Do you feel that we should abandon our current system of government and, like, just do things for each other with no need for money, 'cause, man, the farmer can share his food and the carpenter can share his hammer and the stoned hackey sack player can...well, nevermind. 

If so, you may have stupid hippie syndrome, a smelly, but treatable condition. 

Ask your Doctor about SLAYER™ an over the counter medication to eradicate stupid hippie syndrome. Just one SLAYER™ a day will clear up the purple haze associated with stupid hippie syndrome. 

Side effects may include: balls.

Some users of SLAYER™ have reported an increase in the number of black t-shirts they own.

Call your Doctor if you experience any of the following conditions: corpse paint, black nail polish. These could be signs of a rare, but serious, Black Metal infection.

SLAYER™ is not for everyone. Do not use SLAYER™ if you have anger management issues or take amphetamines. 

Ask your Doctor if SLAYER™ is right for you. There is no need to ramble on when you can f*cking rock.

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